FOUNDATION SCRIPTURES.
2 Tim. 4:5 “But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.” Your marriage and family is your first ministry.
Rom. 11:29 “For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” God will not change His expectations about this marital union and family.
1 Cor. 1:26 “For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called.” Do not waste this unique opportunity of yours.
1 Cor. 7:20 “Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called.” Take personal responsibility for this calling.
2 Pet. 1:10 “Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble.” God demands success of this relationship from you, not your partner.
UNDERSTANDING MARRIAGE FROM THE BEGINNING-GENESIS
Gen. 1:28 states: “Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Marriage and family life was birthed in this scripture. God, the Trinity, has set up a clear programme and assignment for entire humanity through the family. One understands the followings about marriage from this scripture -
1. Marriage is a Commission. ‘Then God blessed them...’ Here, God empowered the newly wed couple, commissioning them for kingdom service on the new earth. Empowerment is for service. This commissioning includes you and your spouse. Every commission requires the commitment of the commissioned. Your commitment must first be to the Commissioners(God, Trinity); and replicate same to your spouse and companions. Isa. 9:7
2. Marriage is a Command. ‘...and God said to them...’ Here also, God was issuing a Divine Command to the newly wed to take up the marital institution with all seriousness and do whatever is required of them by God. Obedience is clearly demanded from the spouses at all cost to maintain the tenets of the first institution. God is not asking for your opinion, ideas or feelings about this institution.
3. Marriage is a Covenant. When God calls and commissions any person, He enters a covenant with such one. He knows you are going on His mission but He requires your constant submission and loyalty to the Trinity. This submission and loyalty must not only be to the Trinity, but to one another in the marital union. Breaking a marital union is equivalent to withdrawing your submission and loyalty(coup d’être) to God. He does not deserve this dishonour!
STATE OF MARRIAGE NOT IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE BEGINNING
When a couple ‘fall short of the glory’, that is live or function below God’s expectations, the union enters a new state, a wretched one of course. Here are few descriptions of the sordid state of the marital union. May these not happen to your union!
1. The marriage will be Stuck. Have you been stuck in a traffic jam? This is the picture of a stuck marital union: The spouses are unable to find the way forward or make progress in the relationship; the union has frozen up(imagine a frozen account); the spouses are not flowing into each again; and the union is not functioning as a living institution.
2. The marriage will Stink. When vehicles are jammed at a particular spot, each begins to emit different fumes, the environment is polluted. A marital union that stinks, emits strong bad smell which results in its poor performance, have undesirable quality and the once blossom marital relationship becomes worthless and inferior before God and men.
3. The marriage will look Stupid. Cars in a traffic jam are driven by persons; you will watch the drivers acting in ‘strange’ stupidity. Likewise it is with a marital relationship, spouses will lack intelligence, perception and common sense to keep the union in full course of destiny. The spouses in question are in dazed state and dull or insensitive in feeling for each other. The common symptoms of stupid marital union are accusations, blames, confusion, violence and abuses.
4. The marriage will Stop. In the midst of the traffic jam confusion, the cars and occupants cannot move to their destination. A marital union which deviates from God’s standard and ways will suffer these: mission interrupted, vision blocked, and passion for one another ceases. The marriage exists quite well but not living; living things move. If the chaos continues, it may results in marital crisis – fighting, quarrels, separation and divorce.
WHY COUPLES FALL INTO THE ABOVE UGLY STATE.
A. God is kept aside or behind in these unions. Divine Life is cut off. John 15:4-5
B. Spouses not flowing into each other. The ‘love liquid’ is frozen. John 14:21
C. Unbelief attacked their hearts like a cancer and consumed their faith, trust and hope.
D. Fear has arrested the union or hijacked it from the couple. They are not in charge again.
E. The spouses are walking on two parallel lines. They are pursuing different visions or goals. Amos 3:3
GOD’S EXPECTATIONS OF YOUR MARITAL UNION
What it means to be at the ‘top’ or, ‘making the most’ of a marital union.
Top marital life means enjoying all God has for you in this union. Only God can move you two to the top if you will co-operate with Him and practice marriage as it was at the beginning. Bearing children is not all the blessing of marriage; you can procreate children but God is not in the union. God’s Presence with you is the beginning of top marital life.
Top marital life means making God happy or giving Him full pleasure. The couple is growing into perfection in their character, attitude towards each other and godliness that is acceptable to God.
Making the most of the marital union means the couple is living in dominion. The couple is waxing strong in unity, excelling in their life endeavours, gaining ground in things of life together and possessing their portions on earth.
Making the most of the marital union means the Heavens are open upon the couple. They are enjoying favour with God and men, their prayers are answered, joy and peace are overflowing in the midst of trials and troubles of life.
Top marital life means the couple are obtaining cap of honours at every stage of life. When a couple choose to honour God with their marriage and life on daily basis, He will shower them with honours unto their next generations.
PATHWAY TO THE TOP OF MARITAL LIFE
1. Mix your DIFFERENCES. Your uniqueness is in your differences; beauty is in the different colour rightly mixed. God works with differences, He delights in them because the y tools for achieving His purposes. The mixture here does not swallow up or cover up the individual colours but allow each to glow. Please, allow God to use your differences to make your marital union what it should be. 1 Cor. 12:4-7; Male and female is a universal phenomenon in the fields of science; without a combination of both the machine or equipment will not function.
2. Mature your MINDS. If you can grow and educate your minds, you will succeed in your marriage. A fixed mind is a fixed life; a growing mind is a glowing life; an enlightened mind is a leading or lively life. Your mind needs – a. Goal. b. Focus c. Instruction d. Hero Rom. 12:1-2; Phil. 4:8; Love with all your mind –Matt. 22:37
3. Muster your RECOGNITION. There is difference between seeing and knowing; the former is shallow-sighted while the latter is deep-sighted. Do you know the untapped/hidden values of your spouse? There is something unique, helpful, special you need to know about each other for your marital fulfilment. Muster the power of recognition in you to optimize these values in life-time relationship. Phil. 3:10; 2 Tim. 4:11; Philem.1:11
4. March your TWO. Two, is a Divine Formation, for winning in life. Divine formation here is liken to the football team formation or a military-style formation in battle field, to win a tournament and war. Marriage is specially privileged to fit into this Divine Formation, couples should tap into its awesome benefits. Two are necessary for multiplication, victory, breakthrough, etc. Gen. 1:16, 28; Deut. 32:30; Eccl. 4:9,11,12; Matt. 18:16,19-20; Mark 6:7 A family starts with two, a Divine formation.
5. Master your PLACE. Geography matters in matters of life; marriage is not exempted. Places solves problem or help your assignment. Stay where(marriage) God planted you; discern and design it. Abraham was asked to leave Uz(Gen.12:1-3); Naomi had to return from Moab to Bethel(Ruth 1:6-7); Elijah was led to the brook(1 King 17:2-4).
6. Mark your HONOUR. Honour has promises and blessings for all members of the family – husband, mother, children, etc. “Your future is determined by whom you have chosen to honour.” Mike Murdock If you succeed is because of whom you choose to honour. Ruth honoured her mother in-law and she was honoured beyond measure. Can you put a prize on the person you honour? He or she is priceless. The couple must honour God first, then honour yourselves, your parents, spouse, etc. Honour protects, corrects, listens, yields, and submits. Dishonour is seed of lust, unfaithfulness, divorce, reaction, lack of creativity, etc. Eph. 6:2; 1 Pet. 2:17; 3:7; Mark 6:4
7. Manage your SEED. Your life is a seed; sow it into your spouse. Forgiveness is seed of relationship. What are you sowing, giving up, or sacrificing for the marital union and family? Sow with expectations. Your seed sown, produces fruits(Top life). John 12:24; Gal. 6:7-10
FINAL WORD
Deut. 28: 1-2 “Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the LORD your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God.”
See you and your spouse on top. Make this choice today from wherever your union is jammed in the marital traffic. Learn to take instructions from the Chief Traffic Officer(the Holy Spirit) of your marital journey. You will arrive on top!
BY PASTOR E. WILLIAM ASAKPOKU
FAMILY FIRST MINISTRY INC., UDU-WARRI, DELTA STATE.
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