The standards forced
upon both men and women are unrealistic and unreachable. Our constant efforts
to achieve those standards very often lead to anxiety and frustrations. When
built up, these two powerful enemies of our confidence, joined by criticism,
will eventually destroy what little confidence we have.
You shouldn’t allow for
unjustly factors to shatter your belief in yourself and turn you into a
faceless piece of machinery – you’re not that. The fact that you don’t seem to
fit into those standards only means that you should look for a different type
of metric system that fits your qualities. But, first thing’s first – let’s
start from the beginning.
Talk
Nerdy to Me
Psychologists don’t
really agree on one single theory about confidence and what it really is, but
they do meet halfway when it comes to certain terms. We should start by clearly
distinguishing between the two terms – self-esteem and confidence; the more you
appreciate yourself, the more will your levels of self-esteem grow and you’ll
become confident.
That being said, you
should further be aware of the fact that there’s not only one kind of
self-esteem. They vary from how you feel about yourself as a member of your
family, of your business team, in a relationship, as a member of society, etc.
The kinds of
self-esteem should be on an importance scale, so to speak, because not every
area of your life is a priority, right? Therefore, if you’re perhaps preparing
a meal and it seems to taste awful, even after you’ve spent hours on it, you
will be very frustrated if you’re a professional chef. On the other hand, if
you’re an amateur, you might even have a few laughs over your burnt dinner.
A person’s self-esteem
varies not only as a result of actions, but also because of many smaller
factors, like waking up with a pimple, having a bad hair day and being
complemented or not.
Another interesting
fact is that narcissism isn’t considered to be the highest level of confidence.
As the melodramatic kind, these people love spotlights and a lack of attention
makes them incredibly frustrated, which leads directly to self-doubt. Being a
narcissist is quite unstable, and their mood depends on their environment and
the feedback they receive.
On the contrary, people
with very low self-esteem don’t respond to positive feedback and negative
feedback makes them feel even worse about themselves. When someone tries to
show appreciation and make them feel good about themselves, they perceive this
affirmation as a form of pity.
Obviously, moderation
is the solution here. Those lucky among us who have stable self-esteem, which
isn’t affected by minor turbulences, they are the confident ones.
Determine
the Cause of Your Problem
I’m sure you have
managed to recognize yourself in at least one of the situations mentioned up
until now. Introspectiveness is a powerful tool if you want to have your confidence
problems resolved, so you need to begin by finding the source of your instability.
Take some time off and
spend it with yourself in order to find out which part of your life makes you
feel generally miserable. Perhaps you neglected your friends and now you feel
selfish and self-centered, or you might have missed your kid’s last few games
or recitals, which makes you feel like you failed as a parent. You might have
managed to miss a deadline or two in your office and that makes you doubt your
skills.
Try to be a better
friend, spend some quality time with your family and work harder – within a
reasonable timeframe, you’ll feel better about yourself.
Embrace Your Unique Qualities
I’m sure you know at
least one person that’s perfect; they get everything done in time without
complaining one bit and they don’t even look tired – ever. Well, we can agree
that people like that are born under a lucky star, but there’s one other thing
you should be aware of; their abilities simply fit into today’s conventional
standards more than yours.
Now, I’m not trying to
suggest that there’s not any hard work involved; that’s not my point. My point
is that it’s easier for them to fit into an average environment and resurface
as brilliant, capable people; you just need to dig deeper and look harder for
yours. After you embrace your qualities as such, finding the right environment
to show them in will be easier.
Do
Some Work on Your Body and Mind
Confidence isn’t
necessarily connected to general attractiveness; beautiful people tend to be
more confident in some situations, but they also tend to be vain because they
are used to special treatment.
Let me draw you a
little picture; imagine two people who are equally attractive – one of them
confident and another filled with self-doubt. The confident one has a positive
attitude, their selection of clothes is more attractive and they are
communicative, and all of that just because of higher levels of self-esteem.
I’m sure you can assume that the second person will avoid any attention and
that will be obvious through their behavior and appearance.
The second person isn’t
a happy person, and all of that because of imaginary obstacles set by their
mind. If you’re not satisfied with yourself, you should do some work on you –
inside and out. Listen to your thoughts and try to recognize those negative and
unrealistic ones and shut them down for good. Then, open your closet and get
rid of those awful baggy clothes that make you look like a shadow. Go shopping
and find flattery garments that express who you are inside.
Anything
Is Possible
I know this is a used
phrase that’s constantly used, but that doesn’t make it anything less true,
because anything is possible. It’s never too late to go parachuting, move to
Africa, learn how to knit, become a painter – as a matter of fact, you can even
grow taller. What you need for any of the things I just mentioned, all you need
is the right mindset because with it comes determination and the will necessary
for you to complete your goals.
The bottom line is that
we all have our insecurities and that’s only natural. The difference between
confident people and those who have a lack of it is in whether or not they
allow those insecurities to get to them.
Source: Lifehack
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